On A Nemesis

Have you ever had a nemesis? Merriam-Webster defines a nemesis as “a formidable and usually victorious rival or opponent.” Whether you’re an 18^th-century samurai, a classical period Italian composer, a 19^th-century American inventor, or a modern-day tech mogul, everyone who’s anyone has had a nemesis of some kind. I’m no different.

Nemeses come in so many different shapes, sizes, ages, and more. You could be an old man whose nemesis is the young whipper-snapper who rides across your lawn on his way to and from school, does sweet jumps, flips you off, and calls you a boomer. You could be an anthropomorphic cat whose sole purpose in life is to catch either a yellow bird or a brown mouse (depending on which anthropomorphic cat you are). Or, you could be me. A 32-soon-to-be-33-year-old man with an unwelcome visitor in the kitchen, destined to become nemeses.

This was hardly my first nemesis. I, of course, had an adversarial relationship with the other guy at my high school who played all the same sports and liked all the same girls and was just as annoying as I was. After college, my nemesis became a neighbor who had screaming loud conversations in Farsi at all hours of the night. Even though we never met face to face, I know they felt our rivalry somewhere deep in their soul.

Recently, I walked into the kitchen and immediately felt something was off. It was the middle of a scorching afternoon. The floor A/C unit was on and the windows were all closed. The blinds were shut casting the room in a pall that one might associate with a noir detective’s office. Within these uneasy walls, a faint buzzing alighted upon my ears.

Sure, there were a few dishes in the sink. Sure, there may have been a few crumbs hither and yon on the counter. SURE, the trash probably should have gone out a few days ago but it’s not like it was a pigsty! In the midst of these teeny tiny tasks, waiting to be addressed, was a foul being, more than happy to flit about like a child at Disneyland. Yes, there was a fly. A big fly. And this big fly quickly became my nemesis.

The first time I locked eyes with this chunky insect, I thought (foolishly) “ah, an easy kill. I’ll purify this kitchen, starting with this winged beast.” Of course, it danced around my attempts to swat it like Baryshnikov at the Kennedy Center. I spent the next thirty minutes chasing this little black dot throughout the apartment, in and out of the shadows. Many times, I thought I’d vanquished the creature and more times it emerged from darkness unscathed.

Eventually, I gave up on trying to kill it and just did the dishes. I cleaned up the countertops and took out the trash. If I couldn’t exact bodily revenge on this bug, I’d take away everything it loved. I should have known better…

The next morning, bleary-eyed and needing caffeine, I walked to the kitchen, seeking salvation, and what did I find? That DAMNED FLY, buzzing around the inside of my coffee pot!

So, do you have a nemesis? Have you ever? Do they know?