On My First Ever Stand-Up

So, despite how it may seem (and I understand that from someone who writes a weekly essay about what’s in his dumb brain, this is pretty rich) I don’t love the spotlight. There’s a reason I gravitate towards writing and not acting or performing. I’d rather be able to take my time, work out some content, realize it’s dogshit, edit the hell out of it, still be unhappy with it, and then hand it off for someone else to deliver and either get cheered or booed for it. That’s why, despite the fact I write jokes for money and despite the fact I write jokes every week for this publication, I’ve never once gotten on a stage and told jokes to strangers. Well, that changed this week. For the first time ever, I tried standup comedy.

I want to get this out of the way early: doing standup was easily one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. I’ve stood in a batter’s box and faced 95mph fastballs, I’ve gotten absolutely obliterated by the biggest defensive tackle in our league, I’ve stood on top of mountains and snowboarded down the steepest slopes they have to offer, I’ve pitched shows and movies to rooms full of the most insufferable people in Hollywood…this was way scarier than all that.

One of my good buddies, Keenan, hosts the friendliest comedy show this side of the Mississippi, Nice Mic,on the first Thursday of every month, and for as long as I can remember, he’s very patiently asked me if I might want to try out some jokes at the show. Every single time, I’d say “ehh, not this time,” or I’d make up an excuse why I couldn’t go. Mostly I was just scared. Finally, and I’m not sure what changed, I said “fuck it, why not?” From that moment until the second the show ended, I was FURIOUS at myself for agreeing to do it.

The terror I felt while sitting at my desk trying to figure out what the hell I was going to say, was unprecedented in my life. Over the few weeks leading up, I worked out a few jokes, tried to refine them to a state I could be proud of, and mostly just convinced myself that it was fine if I was terrible because I was just supporting my friend.

For a few days, I actually started to feel like things might be okay! Then the day arrived and I wanted more than anything else to simply disappear and not have to live up to my commitment. But, if there’s one thing I fear more than making a fool of myself, it’s disappointing people. So, I didn’t run away, I got up on that stage and I told my little jokes, and I survived.

It really was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done but I knew, deep down, that the more scared I was to do it, the better it was for me as a person. It’s not often I do things that terrify me, and I probably should. Maybe this is the start of me being a little more adventurous…maybe not!

What was the last thing you did that really scared you?