On The 4th of July
Boy howdy, it’s quite a time to be an American. We’re taking rights away from women and giving them to guns. We’re letting the Supreme Court completely forget the Establishment Clause of the god damn Bill of Rights. And I haven’t even gotten around to talking about the near complete disenfranchisement of African American voters in Louisiana thanks to redistricting! Now, none of these things are new in America… hell, I’m realizing I got a degree in history strictly so that instead of being shocked at the horrific places America is going, I can be shocked at the horrific places American is going again. So, what a wonderful time to celebrate this fucked up place’s birthday…or more accurately the day we stopped being British people taking advantage of Native Americans and African slaves…and became AMERICANS taking advantage of Native Americans and African slaves.
Despite all the horrible things America had done in its past, up until recently, it felt like maybe, very slowly we were headed away from being a hell hole, into maybe being some kind of heck hole. Because of that, it was pretty fun to celebrate the 4th of July. It was a day to get together with friends, drink a few Coors, eat too many hot dogs, and watch some fireworks. It was a day to remember triumphs and forget atrocities.
Before 2016, it was even a day when I would (mostly ironically) wear as many American flag adorned clothes as I could, and pretend to be as patriotic as the drunkest NASCAR fan. Now however, patriotism is…frightening because of the groups that have co-opted it. So, I’m going to go ahead and suggest some holidays this summer that will be much more fun to celebrate than the 4th of July:
Coming in first is July 8th, which is National Freezer Pop Day. This one is great. Kids love freezer pops, adults who live in places without A/C love freezer pops (me, me, me!) You can make ‘em any flavor and if you’re feeling saucy you could even put booze in them! Not a whiff of fascism or genocide to this holiday.
Next, we got July 20th, National Hot Dog Day. If you were feeling sad about missing out on those delicious wieners from Independence Day, fear not! All you have to do is wait like two weeks and you can guzzle all the glizzies you want (for those not up on slang, kids call hot dogs glizzys these days…I’m lost too, but I’m trying.)
You want one more? You got it: August 26th is National Dog Day. If there is one holiday on this list (and the bigger list I’m pulling from) that could bring us all together, it is definitely National Dog Day (and seriously do NOT confuse it with National Hot Dog Day even if your dog is incredibly good looking). So, on this day, spoil your dog rotten: give ‘em treats, take ‘em on walks, give ‘em lots of scratches. If you don’t have a dog, go for a walk and I bet you’ll see at least one! You might even get lucky and be able to pet a stranger’s dog!
In this time when it’s so hard to be proud to be an American, what alternative holiday are you looking forward to most this summer?
I like the way you think, Will. It sure was a tough 4th for me and mine. So here's a holiday that's coming up that I find ... interesting: National Talk in An Elevator Day. Always on the last Friday in July. Strike up a conversation with a stranger. By the time you get to your floor, you'll learn something about another human. I read somewhere that mirrors were put into elevators to make people NOT talk. To keep quiet. That's a thinker for me. But not on the last Friday in july!
I find I'm waking up sad everyday becacuse of the takeover of our great country by extremists. I won't go into it because we all know what I mean. But hot dogs make me happy, any kind of frozen pop does, and dogs, of course. So I'm going on a picnic with my neighbor's dog, eat Dodger dogs and a push up pop; and I'm going to listen to Frank Sinatra, watch my neighbor wash his car, put butter on corn on the cob, have some popcorn, and watch reruns of the Dick Van Dyke show. Happy until the next morning.