On the Edge of Sleep and Midnight Musings
It’s no secret that I’m bad at sleeping. I’ve written here about my insomnia. I’ve told literally any person who will listen about it. I’ve done very few things to actually address this problem, and yet I have complained about it incessantly! There is one positive side effect of insomnia…however, this side effect is the sharpest of double-edged swords. There is a moment, a single pinhead of time in the grand scale of the universe, when you are on the very edge of sleep and the most brilliant ideas enter your mind.
This moment never occurs when I’ve just gotten into bed. It never happens when I’m lying on the couch thinking about how I should have gone to bed an hour ago but instead, I mindlessly scrolled through TikTok and Instagram, gaining nothing but losing a sliver of my sanity. No, this moment only happens once you’ve committed to trying to fall asleep. The lights must be out, the white noise must be playing, the bed must be cozy, and the vibes must be sleepy. Only then when all you want is to fall asleep, will an idea come.
Once that idea enters into existence, you’re faced with a decision that could change your life forever. On the one hand, you could stay the course, fall asleep (because once the brilliant idea enters your mind, you’re mere moments from peaceful slumber), and pray the idea is still swimming around your brain the next morning. On the other hand, you could annihilate the ambiance you’ve created, you can pulverize all of the preparation you’ve put in, you can crush all of the coziness you’ve cuddled up into and you can write this brilliant idea down for the good of all humankind.
In this moment when you realize you’re at the crossroads of sleep or creation you find out what kind of person you are. Are you someone who will sacrifice anything for five more minutes? Are you someone who will do anything to avoid losing that one idea that could catapult you from the ranks of a mere mortal to god-king of the realm of ideas?
I’ve found myself standing at this intersection, feeling like Robert Frost staring down the two roads diverging in yellow woods knowing that I’d never again be at this moment, many times before. I’ve made both choices countless times. I’ve lost more ideas than I can count just for a few more hours of sleep.
And yet, when I’ve made the brave choice, and sacrificed my sweet ZZZs for the pursuit of progress and brilliance, I’ve given myself a gift that keeps on giving. When you wake up that next morning, eager to revisit the wisdom of the wee hours of the morning, you’re rewarded with a sight that would make Einstein weep: a notepad, digital or physical, with your genius laid bare, exposed to the sunlight that illuminates truth…and what does it say?
Usually, it says something like “What about a reverse toaster?” or “a joke about ancient grains joining the AARP” and then you wish you’d just gone to sleep instead.
So, do you write down your midnight musings or let them slip into the ether?
Perfect post! Back in the day I slept with a yellow pad and pen on the floor beside me. My note taking was pretty good. Now I'm just insomnia bound with no ideas, and no need for them. Side note: Once I finally had a troublesome scene from a My Sister Sam episode come to me whole, with dialogue, while at a classical music concert (Tchaikovsky? Beethoven?) at the Hollywood Bowl. All I had was a small 2" x 4" notepad in my purse, but I filled those pages. Practically filmed as written.
Loved this one. I have found at times that if I'm wrestling with a problem in a script and I try to think about it as I'm going to sleep I will often come up with a solution that gets me so excited I write it down so I don't forget, and the next day it does, in fact, make sense. But that's if I'm still awake when I think of it. If I come up with something in the dreamy state, it's usually incomprehensible (i.e. reverse toaster - hysterical!) or complete shit. But the absolute worst thing is to be in that nakedly vulnerable state of exhausted but not yet able to sleep . That's when I often find myself suddenly replaying some embarrassing/humiliating/stupid thing I did five, ten, twenty or thirty years ago and feeling the emotions of it all again as if I had just done it. When that happens, I know it's going to be a CBN gummie and two hours of spider solitaire before I get to sleep, if at all. From the hair, I'm guessing Einstein had nights like that, too.