Just a reminder before we kick off this week’s essay: there’s a week left to enter the second Substack raffle! By sharing my Substack or any post or signing up to be a subscriber, you’ll be entered to win the opportunity to pick the topic of a weekly essay! Just remember to tag me or let me know you shared something so I can make sure to put you in the raffle.
When it comes to the Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanza/Winter Solstice season, everybody knows it’s about love and family and coming together to celebrate making it through another year on this wild and crazy planet we all call home. That’s all well and good…but what about the presents?! There is something deeply ingrained in each and everyone one of our lizard brains that goes absolutely apeshit for a mysterious box covered with colorful paper and possibly a little ribbon. Even when you asked for a specific gift, and you are all but assured you’re going to receive that specific gift, all those neurons and dopamine receptors in your brain go truly bonkers for a little box with your name on it. All of this is to set up how fucking awesome it feels to give someone a present they really like.
Of course, getting gifts is great! We’ve all known that since we were small children and were so excited that we couldn’t sleep and we woke our parents up at 6 am only to have them groggily tell us that we have to wait until 8 am to open presents which felt like a lifetime but now as an adult I can understand in a way I never imagined I could. However, it wasn’t until I was a fully formed adult (or at least as fully formed as I, a man who delights at getting Legos as a gift for any and every holiday, can get) did I start to truly understand how fun it is to give a really kick-ass gift.
The lead-up to gift-giving occasions is always stressful, even if you know what your gift-receiving target wants. Is what you’re getting them enough? Is this the best thing to get them? Should you get them more things? Should you get them fewer things? Should you scrap the plan altogether because you saw a guy slice a tomato in half with a samurai sword on an infomercial at 2 am and now you’re convinced there’s nothing they’d like more than a 52-piece knife and sword collection for the low low price of 4 payments of $29.99??
When that infomercial brainwashing flows out of your body and you’re back to your normal self, there’s nothing to do but go with your gut, buy the gift you think they’ll like, and remember that it’s the thought that counts. But, then, also remember that the gift does count too, and when you hit the bullseye on a good one and you see the look on their face, the joy in their eyes, and the surprise in their brows, when they rip open that box or bag and see that gift they were hoping for or didn’t even know they wanted…well it makes all those hours scrolling amazon, trying to figure out what the difference between bronzer, foundation, and highlighter is, and struggling to make sure your gift wrapping doesn’t look like that of a small child who lacks the dexterity to make simple, neat, folds…well it makes all of that so worthwhile.
So, what’s the best gift you’ve ever given?
Another wonderful entry! Hmmm, best gift I've ever given: Both my lovely wife and I thought of the easy answer - our kid. But we decided that was ineligible because we couldn't figure out which of us deserved more credit. Her argument that 39 hours of labor should mean she gets it, but I said that was just the luck of evolution and why should I be punished simply because nature decided millions of years ago the female should deliver the offspring. So, rather than fight about what is such a lovely blog, I've decided to go with a toss-up. There's a peach blouse I bought my lovely wife just a few months after we started dating. I was in Wisconsin visiting family and I saw it in a store and it just seemed like her. It was the first real gift I ever gave her, and I think it made her feel like the relationship was becoming a significant one, which, it turned out, it was! Then there's the engagement ring I finally bought her, fifteen years after we met. We'd been pretty broke those first few years and I'd finally started building a career. And what was even cooler was that our son, who was only about four or five months old, came along in his little baby carrier. The jeweler laid out the stones on the counter and my lovely wife picked one out as our adorable son stared up, fascinated at the lights in the office. That was a great day. You didn't ask but best present I ever GOT was hands down, my 60th birthday, when my lovely wife arranged a party in the bleachers at a double header of my now big handsome son's high school baseball team; because of work I rarely got to see him play but this one I got to. He pitched one game and caught the other. They won both games and he got the game ball in the game he pitched. Which he presented to me. And I still have it.
The best gift I have ever given anyone would have to be judged by the recipients so I'll also mention the best gift I've ever received. Ironically, like my friend Steve, my best one was for my 60th birthday. Knowing my love of all things automotive, my friend Sandy and members of my family gave me a day of race car driving lessons with a former Indy 500 driver. It was on a real road course race track where I spend my day learning how to put my own car through the rigorous training process. It was a gruling but incredibly rewarding experience. As an aside, the "free" driving lesson cost me a both a set of tires and a set of brakes on my car. Worth every penny!