17 Comments

What IS it about knives? We all want them and yet in this modern era they have virtually no purpose. The bigger the more exciting and yet the least practical. Like you, once a year when I’m in a mall I go looking for the knife shop and always walk out with nothing. Go figure

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There's something about them that just makes me feel like, "if I had that knife, I'd be prepared for ANYTHING" even though I know deep down, it wouldn't do jack shit

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I'm embarrassed to say I bought the Ding King. As an adult. It did not remove the dent from my car. But I learned never to believe infomercials again.

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that's a lesson more valuable than any ding removal

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True!

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I love the latest sales pitch, "Order now. Due to material shortages and supply chain issues, this may be your last chance to order!". What makes this so ridiculously hilarious, is the line is being used for a myriad of products from different sellers. That said, I now have more wide angle rearview mirrors than I have cars.

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but you're prepared to conquer blindspots in any vehicle now!

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yeah, in 90s Romania i used to watch ads of kids playing with supersoakers on foreing tv channels and thought it has the coolest thing ever. didn't have them in my country then, and couldnt afford them even if we did.

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ooo supersoakers were one of the few toys that did live up to the hype

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I forced my mother to buy the complete miracle blade set after watching an infomercial in the wee small hours of the morning while visiting my grandmother in rural Arkansas. Also, I own Sting, blade of Frodo. Which i purchased from an ad in. a. magazine. I was 14. There are pictures.

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that's just plain useful though, Sting glows when orcs are near, and you do not want to be surprised by orcs

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and to be fair: it’s been been almost 20 years and i’ve yet to be surprised by orcs. also my mom still has the the miracle blades to this day. they weren’t kidding about their lifetime quality.

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This was just wonderful. And the phrase, "my teenaged eyes which, for some reason. yearned for anything sharp with the word 'tactical' attached to it" is now in my book of favorites. Yes, I remember those knife commercials, and I think somewhere on YouTube there's a famous clip of somebody on one of them attempting to demonstrate a cool move and slicing their thumb, or other appendage, off. I wasn't into the knives as a kid (not sure what your teenage obsession with them says about the job we did as parents, but then, puberty is weird for all of us) but I was, as a kid, occasionally driven mad by the commercials for toys that plastered the airwaves on Saturday mornings, particularly as you got closer to the holidays. There was one, "Jimmy Jet," that burned into my psyche so strongly I can hear the tagline now. It was a cheap, battery powered plastic knockoff of a fighter pilot control panel, with...steering wheel (or whatever you call it), all kinds of levers, gauges and a kind of scrolling screen that replicated a very rudimentary flight path, and had sound effects, too. And that tagline: "You, too, can fly, Fly, FLY, with Jimmy Jet!" My best friend and I would repeat it on our way to school. I got one, too! And it broke in about four days. But the anticipation...there was nothing like it...Now, I've outgrown most toys. I don't salivate over replacing my 15 year old car because it's in great shape and I still love it. I'm not crazed about fashion. My sound system works fine. There's nothing I really crave. Except of course, when I walk into Roger Dunn. Oh, momma!

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oooo you're thinking of this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m47NiCAfLLg

"the tip juuuuuust got me O'Dell"

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By the way, you can also find the commercial for Jimmy Jet!

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Three words. Popeil's Pocket Fisherman. Sold by the greatest salesman in history. Really, who needs one of these? But I almost bought one and I don't fish. Then there's the table top oven ( I forget its name) with the slogan Just Set It and Forget It, yelled by the audience. Then some hair spray that covered your bald spot. Seriously,? That I'm sure blew away on a brisk wind, sending silocon shards everywhere. I LOVED those infomercials because he was so good. Ron Popeil. A gift from God, before there was cable..

Thanks for these blogs Will.

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