27 Comments

I feel your pain. Several nights a week, a group of motorcylcists compete to see whose bike is the loudest. They’re on the street, I’m nineteen floors above. It’s still so loud that I have to pause my television until the bikers move on. God forbid, the traffic light is red because, of course, the racket doesn’t abate until the light changes. I'm told shooting them would be wrong. Any other ideas?

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If I’ve learned anything from a lifetime of playing Mariocart, throwing a banana peel on the road will cause all of them to crash in a comical way that hurts no one but destroys their pride

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Unfortunately, most of the annoying late-night noises that are heard in my house emanate from me.

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Hey-Ohhhhh!

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Great piece, Will. We live across the street from a MacMansion which no family will ever occupy. Inside is a bowing alley, a screening room, a house-sized bathroom with a shower that comes out of the sky. Built ten years ago, on a hill where once coyotes and birds and all manner of wildlife lived, it sits there, home to weekend parties. The rest of the neighborhood consists of lovely old homes where actual families live. Don't get me started.

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Oh wow that sounds like the beginning of your origin story as some sort of deadly party crashed!

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Since moviing to the Santa Ynez Valley about a year and a half ago there is rarely any late night noise. The one exception might be the howls of coyotes celebrating a "kill". Otherwise we live in a very quiet, peaceful,beautiful and serene environment.

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Oooo spooky!

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We had the same experience when we lived in our first apartment in Hollywood. Ours was also above a very noisy parking garage belonging to the building next door. Now living in Asheville, NC, we're preparing for a second invasion of cicadas since we moved here. Unfortunately, they’ll arrive within the next couple of weeks. They’re one of the ugliest bugs you’ll ever see in your life and are known for their constant and distinctive LOUD “buzzing” calls. It’s truly a salvation for me though because they drown out the continuous ringing in my ears that comes from the torturous tinnitus that is the bain of my existence. The mind numbing sound will remain with us for at least a month, and then we’ll be left with millions of exoskeletons wherever we look.

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I’ve been to Wisconsin a few times when the cicadas are in full effect and it is absolutely mind numbing!

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We are very lucky. The worst we hear is our own dogs barking in the middle of the night over nothing. Very annoying but we love them anyway!🤣

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The price you pay for adorable roommates who don’t pay rent!

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The first apartment my husband and I had was next door (next building, no shared walls!) to a house where the guy would play the same Al Green song over and over starting at about 1am, several nights a week. Somehow, I still like Al Green, just not that song (I don't remember the name of it).

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Wow I’d never be able to listen to Al Green again!

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in ny, a lot of radiators make this horrible clanging sound in the middle

of the night . At 2am it sounds like someone slamming a wrench against a metal pipe…

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Yup Buddy the Elf struggled with this very same issue

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These days you have to be somewhere hundreds of miles from any population center over 50 inhabitants to completely avoid human-induced noises. And sometimes even that isn't enough if you're below a major airline corridor. We moved to a small town near Madison, WI to be near our granddaughter: Little did we realize that it was: a) between two four lane highways, b) along an active freight railroad line, and c) along the approach path to the local airport. Not only that, but being in the land of detached dwellings, we are awoken to the sound of snow throwers in winter, and multiple lawn maintaining apparatuses in the other months. So, like I said in the beginning, noise is the constant companion of urban life, no matter the scale. Most of us couldn't hack retiring to the wilderness and living in a rustic log cabin with no running water (and wolves and pumas at the door) and no supermarket and wi-fi service within a weeks trek. Therefore, we grin and bear it, plug in white noise generators, or noise cancelling ear phones, and hope for enough zzz's to make it through the next day. Noise, and rudeness are here to stay, and our tolerance is in inverse proportion to our age and level of responsibility. On the other hand, it sure would be nice to have a dozen taco stands, sushi bars and movie theaters within a few blocks.

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Yup, there really is no perfect place to live! You just gotta figure out which nuisance you can handle best!

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It's true. The mixed blessing of the cornucopia offered by big city living. My dad used to fantasize about getting out of the city and into the wilderness, but when we pressed him on it he admitted what he really had in mind was a big ass double wide Winnebago (something Tom Cruise might have on a location shoot) with a full kitchen, satellite TV, a king sized bed and a screen door through which he could occasionally glance at the scenery.

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That does sound pretty nice…

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It does, doesn't it? But it's not exactly "getting back to nature" either.

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Funny isn't it? Despite being raised in a small town in northern WI, my Dad also had little desire for experiencing the natural world. Lounging beside our uncle's (the doctor) pool was as outdoorsy as it got for him. Maybe it was that 5-mile trek uphill to the one-room school (uphill both ways), that did it.

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What kind of conversations have you heard?

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Sorry guys, you have to subscribe to my secret, very expensive, other substack for all the juicy details

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Damn, your neighbor was yelling about his premium Substack in the car? The person on the other line should just check out WDB imo

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Yeah, WDB, anything good?

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I want to hear the baseball story! Luckily I’m a heavy sleeper, but when we used to live next door to that all night rave house, I almost lost my mind a few times

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