I was there so I can attest you're not exaggerating. And you even left out (only for lack of space I'm sure) the fact that your poor mom was in the same clothes for three days and had to buy a baggy blue sweater at a discount place to replace the beautiful blouse she had so carefully packed for the once in a lifetime centennial celebration. The baggy blue was left in the hotel room trash can when we left and when she was finally reunited with her suitcase, that beautifully packed blouse was still unwrinkled.
"Like" doesn't seem like the appropriate response, but it was the only choice. Wow, you're some sort of super hero after all that! I don't blame you if you never go anywhere again!
Fucking hilarious, Will. This one had it all right, as perfect as holing out a 5 iron for an eagle. My wife was literally like this 😂😂😂 reading your column. Nice work and, btw, it only reinforces my aversion to air travel nowadays.
Sooo many but the topper must be our getting arrested by German border guards who accused us of trying to steal our rental car and smuggle it into the Czech Republic.
My goodness.. I was going to say that sounds awful, but the word awful doesn't do it justice. I am so impressed at your work ethic and that you made it to work on time AND managed to teach all those kids. They don't know how good they have it.
As for my own awful travel story, I have a wonderful ability to block out negative experiences, but one that came to mind immediately is when I was leaving South East Asia after a 2.5 month backpacking trip - I had a connection through Shanghai to LAX. The airport in Shanghai was *awful* and we were treated like cattle, and there was no order, and everyone was shoved around and yelled at, but we finally made it onto the airplane where I sat in the middle seat squished between two people much larger than I. The flight was 14 hours long. Four hours into the flight there was an announcement in Mandarin that caused all the people that understood to groan and mumble and yell. The announcement was then followed up in English. Someone was having an emergency and the only thing we could do about it is FLY BACK TO CHINA. FOR FOUR HOURS. WHICH MEANS I WAS IN MY SEAT FOR 8 HOURS TOTAL. And that's what we did. We flew all the way back to Shanghai, dropped off the sick patient.. and then got back in the air for our 14 hour flight. Which was actually a 22 hour flight.
No, I can't top your tale of misery and disgust with our current air travel system. Like anyone who's flown in the last decades, I and my family have been semi-stranded at least once. At least the airline had the decency to put us up at a motel until the next mornings flight. Neither have I gotten anywhere close to filling the barf bag. So, I guess you have to accept the old adage that any landing you can walk away from is a good one. So, let's all hope for smooth, and friendly skies, on time departures and landings, and something more than a measly bag of peanuts.
At least the company was good at the Madison airport! But the story you told Cece and I about your trip to France and your lost luggage was similarly horrific!
On our flight home from Sacramento to Atlanta, my husband, Dave and I were seated next to a young, fashionably dressed gal with an “emotional support” dog - a huge, bull dog, a breed notorious for snoring, grunting, drooling, and flatulence. During the 3½ hour fight, Dave became VERY ANNOYED by the dog’s behavior. The dog wouldn’t stay under the seat in front of his owner, preferring to sit in the young woman’s lap and continually slobbering on Dave.
Because I use a wheelchair we are always the first ones on and the last ones off the plane, so we told the gal (in the window seat) to feel free to get off the plane before we did. As she stood in the aisle with other passengers waiting to disembark, I heard her say, “Oh no!” Looking to her and then to the floor next to my seat, I saw a pile of doggy “dodo.” Frantic to know what to do, the gal handed Dave the dog’s leash so he could pull the dog out of the aisle, back into the seating area. However, as the dog moved over Dave’s feet, he had diarrhea all over Dave’s shoes and the carry-on bag under Dave’s seat. Needless to say, it was a LIVING NIGHTMARE!
In the process of trying to clean up the mess, things only got worse. The aisle and several seats were so soiled that the plane had to be taken out of service, even though another group of passengers were waiting in the terminal for our plane. We learned from the gate agent that the young woman was banned for life from flying on Delta Airlines. Ten days later, Delta issued new guidelines for service and emotional support animals.
Looking back, Dave and I laugh about the debacle and remind ourselves that whenever we travel, “____ happens!” (Delta did reimburse us for our tickets and a new carry-on bag.)
You indeed went through hell. I miss the days when coats and ties were the norm. I did spend two days stuck in the Dallas aiport (in a motel at night), finally out on the 3rd day. I will say, it's a great airport, with great food and shopping.
Will, reading your "On the Hell that is Air Travel" on both your flights, reads like a Rube Goldberg concoction of airline mania! In all my days of traveling ,domestically & internationally, I do not believe I've ever encountered a situation that comes close to yours, as well as Susan & Steven's, flying the FIENDLY SKIES! Since the pandemic, I've heard more nightmarish travel tales from friends and family, especially in this past year plus, that come anywhere close to what you & your girlfriend encountered and SOLVED! Your are the KNX Hero of the Week, if there were an award for bending in the wind of the jet engines, yet never breaking! Whatever the airline(s) you attempted to board & eventually boarded, they should award you their EXECUTIVE PLATINUM PLUS status so that if you ever attempt to fly again, they'll roll out the magic flying carpet and you'll be on your way! WRITE ON!
Oh my….sorry to be laughing but that poor lady in the aisle! Travel is bad and getting worse. Airlines haven’t recovered from pandemic or even the storms last December. Takeoff and landing times are merely suggested possibilities. Still your folks need to follow travel rule #1–Never check a bag! I was stuck in Europe 12 years or so ago for 6 miserable days because of a volcano in Iceland that apparently wanted everyone to learn how to spell its name—Eyjafjallajökull. It took a while…. My favorites though was when we caused the delay of a flight in rural Thailand as a family of 6 in 2001 when my then 10 year baby girl thru up so violently that she filled up the small waiting room with about an inch of vomit and passengers had to wash their shoes. Shit happens on the road and it is often the case that when traveling and shit happens, more shot happens! Keep ‘em coming! Live for these!
I have had more than my share of rough commutes in my 35 years of business travel but this on just may be at the top of the leader board. My sphincter is still locked up 24 hours after just reading about this apocalypse of an event. Recover quickly my friend. The world still needs exploring !
I was there so I can attest you're not exaggerating. And you even left out (only for lack of space I'm sure) the fact that your poor mom was in the same clothes for three days and had to buy a baggy blue sweater at a discount place to replace the beautiful blouse she had so carefully packed for the once in a lifetime centennial celebration. The baggy blue was left in the hotel room trash can when we left and when she was finally reunited with her suitcase, that beautifully packed blouse was still unwrinkled.
Yes, Mom was absolutely heroic and handled all of us being stressed as heck at one point or another!
Hahaha WE WERE IN A BLENDER! Perfectly put
Not a single person wasn't gripping their armrest for most of that flight
"Like" doesn't seem like the appropriate response, but it was the only choice. Wow, you're some sort of super hero after all that! I don't blame you if you never go anywhere again!
hahaha I know! There should be more options than just "like"
I don’t think I would ever fly again after that experience. I haven’t flown after a girl threw up on my last flight to Sonoma
I don't want to fly ever again! which is in direct conflict with the fact that I do still want to travel to fun places!
Fucking hilarious, Will. This one had it all right, as perfect as holing out a 5 iron for an eagle. My wife was literally like this 😂😂😂 reading your column. Nice work and, btw, it only reinforces my aversion to air travel nowadays.
Thank you, Dale! Even as the miserable travel was going on, I just kept telling myself, "this'll be a funny story one day...it better be"
I so understand. My story is so long and horrible I don’t want to remember it to share it. But you have ALL my sympathy!!!
Thank you, Judy! If you're blessed enough to travel more than a few times, you get some horror stories to go along with it.
Sooo many but the topper must be our getting arrested by German border guards who accused us of trying to steal our rental car and smuggle it into the Czech Republic.
oh wow, now that sounds like a story worth preserving on the internet!
My goodness.. I was going to say that sounds awful, but the word awful doesn't do it justice. I am so impressed at your work ethic and that you made it to work on time AND managed to teach all those kids. They don't know how good they have it.
As for my own awful travel story, I have a wonderful ability to block out negative experiences, but one that came to mind immediately is when I was leaving South East Asia after a 2.5 month backpacking trip - I had a connection through Shanghai to LAX. The airport in Shanghai was *awful* and we were treated like cattle, and there was no order, and everyone was shoved around and yelled at, but we finally made it onto the airplane where I sat in the middle seat squished between two people much larger than I. The flight was 14 hours long. Four hours into the flight there was an announcement in Mandarin that caused all the people that understood to groan and mumble and yell. The announcement was then followed up in English. Someone was having an emergency and the only thing we could do about it is FLY BACK TO CHINA. FOR FOUR HOURS. WHICH MEANS I WAS IN MY SEAT FOR 8 HOURS TOTAL. And that's what we did. We flew all the way back to Shanghai, dropped off the sick patient.. and then got back in the air for our 14 hour flight. Which was actually a 22 hour flight.
Comfortable I was not. Exhausted and angry I was.
0/10 would not recommend.
OH my GOD! That's so bad. 22 hours sucks, but 8 hours of it where you're not even getting closer sounds AWFUL
No, I can't top your tale of misery and disgust with our current air travel system. Like anyone who's flown in the last decades, I and my family have been semi-stranded at least once. At least the airline had the decency to put us up at a motel until the next mornings flight. Neither have I gotten anywhere close to filling the barf bag. So, I guess you have to accept the old adage that any landing you can walk away from is a good one. So, let's all hope for smooth, and friendly skies, on time departures and landings, and something more than a measly bag of peanuts.
May your flights continue to be as non-nightmarish as possible and your barf bags stay empty!
Oh yeah?!?! Well MY worst travel story was… wait, hold on. It was the same one you had!
At least the company was good at the Madison airport! But the story you told Cece and I about your trip to France and your lost luggage was similarly horrific!
How is this for a NIGHTMARE?
On our flight home from Sacramento to Atlanta, my husband, Dave and I were seated next to a young, fashionably dressed gal with an “emotional support” dog - a huge, bull dog, a breed notorious for snoring, grunting, drooling, and flatulence. During the 3½ hour fight, Dave became VERY ANNOYED by the dog’s behavior. The dog wouldn’t stay under the seat in front of his owner, preferring to sit in the young woman’s lap and continually slobbering on Dave.
Because I use a wheelchair we are always the first ones on and the last ones off the plane, so we told the gal (in the window seat) to feel free to get off the plane before we did. As she stood in the aisle with other passengers waiting to disembark, I heard her say, “Oh no!” Looking to her and then to the floor next to my seat, I saw a pile of doggy “dodo.” Frantic to know what to do, the gal handed Dave the dog’s leash so he could pull the dog out of the aisle, back into the seating area. However, as the dog moved over Dave’s feet, he had diarrhea all over Dave’s shoes and the carry-on bag under Dave’s seat. Needless to say, it was a LIVING NIGHTMARE!
In the process of trying to clean up the mess, things only got worse. The aisle and several seats were so soiled that the plane had to be taken out of service, even though another group of passengers were waiting in the terminal for our plane. We learned from the gate agent that the young woman was banned for life from flying on Delta Airlines. Ten days later, Delta issued new guidelines for service and emotional support animals.
Looking back, Dave and I laugh about the debacle and remind ourselves that whenever we travel, “____ happens!” (Delta did reimburse us for our tickets and a new carry-on bag.)
You indeed went through hell. I miss the days when coats and ties were the norm. I did spend two days stuck in the Dallas aiport (in a motel at night), finally out on the 3rd day. I will say, it's a great airport, with great food and shopping.
Will, reading your "On the Hell that is Air Travel" on both your flights, reads like a Rube Goldberg concoction of airline mania! In all my days of traveling ,domestically & internationally, I do not believe I've ever encountered a situation that comes close to yours, as well as Susan & Steven's, flying the FIENDLY SKIES! Since the pandemic, I've heard more nightmarish travel tales from friends and family, especially in this past year plus, that come anywhere close to what you & your girlfriend encountered and SOLVED! Your are the KNX Hero of the Week, if there were an award for bending in the wind of the jet engines, yet never breaking! Whatever the airline(s) you attempted to board & eventually boarded, they should award you their EXECUTIVE PLATINUM PLUS status so that if you ever attempt to fly again, they'll roll out the magic flying carpet and you'll be on your way! WRITE ON!
Oh my….sorry to be laughing but that poor lady in the aisle! Travel is bad and getting worse. Airlines haven’t recovered from pandemic or even the storms last December. Takeoff and landing times are merely suggested possibilities. Still your folks need to follow travel rule #1–Never check a bag! I was stuck in Europe 12 years or so ago for 6 miserable days because of a volcano in Iceland that apparently wanted everyone to learn how to spell its name—Eyjafjallajökull. It took a while…. My favorites though was when we caused the delay of a flight in rural Thailand as a family of 6 in 2001 when my then 10 year baby girl thru up so violently that she filled up the small waiting room with about an inch of vomit and passengers had to wash their shoes. Shit happens on the road and it is often the case that when traveling and shit happens, more shot happens! Keep ‘em coming! Live for these!
I have had more than my share of rough commutes in my 35 years of business travel but this on just may be at the top of the leader board. My sphincter is still locked up 24 hours after just reading about this apocalypse of an event. Recover quickly my friend. The world still needs exploring !