On the Magic of A/C

Here in Southern California, we had an unusually wet and cool spring. It rained so often that all you had to do was be quiet for but a moment and you would hear the native call of winter Angelinos, “Ahhh, we needed this rain so badly.” But, like all things, our wet and wild period has ended. We’re now back to the baking desert-hell of climate change California. As human beings, though, we’ve made our bones surviving harsh climates. We climb the tallest mountains, we brave the coldest oceans, we look at the scariest bugs and we say, “I don’t care how many legs you have or how venomous you are, I want to live right here,” and then we do our magic and make the most inhospitable place, hospitable (whether we should or not)! That means we’re brute-forcing one of two things: heating or cooling.

Heating is great, don’t get me wrong. A cold winter night with a fire going or the heater blasting is downright cozy…but heating doesn’t get my creative juices flowing. Humans have been doing heating since the dawn of time. We’ve been building fires (and learning that whatever side you’re standing on, that’s the side the smoke is wafting to) since the days of Prometheus. Fires are fantastic: they’re warm, they’re great for cooking, and they’re even better for listlessly staring into for hours at a time. The problem is, I run hot.

Air conditioning (the Luigi to fire’s Mario), on the other hand, is simply magic. The fact that I’ve lived almost my entire life in a desert and I still have no idea how A/C works speaks wonders to its…well, wonders. Arthur C. Clark once said, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” When he wrote these brilliant words, he probably had something really cool in mind, like rockets to Mars or lasers that do surgery, not a big box in your window that makes a lot of noise and spits out cold air, but the point stands!

The last two apartments I’ve lived in have had heaters in them. I know it can get cold here in the winter but I’ve always found it funny that we’re legally guaranteed heaters in our apartments. What neither of them had was air conditioning. Considering that both of our living rooms have measured well above 90 degrees in the summer, that’s pretty dang nuts. I never appreciated A/C growing up because I was a spoiled little brat who wouldn’t have known the Garden of Eden unless he got his ass kicked directly into the sizzling depths of hell.

Now, as a not-quite-as-young-as-I-used-to-be man, GOD DAMN do I appreciate the sweet kiss of conditioned air. I just spent a glorious week house sitting in an air-conditioned residence and the bliss of coming inside on a sweltering day and feeling the loving caress of cool air across your brow…there’s just nothing like it. One day, I’ll live in a kingly residence with central air, but these days, I’ll do my best with fans, wet towels, and standing in front of portable A/C units with my eyes closed, pretending I’m in heaven.

What do you think? Is there anything better than A/C on a hot day?