On the Most Dangerous Food Known to Humankind

I’m no expert when it comes to what’s edible and what’s not. I’ll often look into my fridge and see a container full of greens and think, those look fine…only to open it up and be launched across the room by the stink of decomposing vegetables. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I can’t even count the number of times I’ve looked at something in the fridge or freezer and thought, “Surely whatever that is has long ago gone rancid.” Surprise, surprise! Those mini-tacos don’t go bad until 2046 or the destruction of the planet Earth, whichever comes first. With all of that in mind, I’ve figured out what the single most dangerous food known to humankind…throw your guess in the comments below and see if our dumb brains are aligned.

According to many sources online, the “experts” have settled on a few of the most dangerous foods in the world. I think they’re all wrong but I’ll humor them for at least a few paragraphs: the first of these is called Ackee, which is a tropical fruit native to West Africa. It also happens to be the national fruit of Jamaica…which is wild because if you eat under ripened ackee you can contract a condition called “Jamaican vomiting sickness,” which can lead to “profound dehydration, seizures, coma, and death…” Just personally, no fruit is worth that to me.

Another one of the most dangerous foods, according to those so-called “experts,” is Fugu or pufferfish. Fugu is a widely renowned delicacy but also happens to be lethally poisonous if prepared even slightly wrong. It’s so famously precarious that there was an entire episode of the Simpsons where Homer orders Fugu and is told he’s going to die in 24 hours because it was served incorrectly. Big surprise, the show is still on 33 years later so he clearly didn’t die…or he did and everything else happens in the liminal space between life and death, but I’m just going to ignore that possibility.

So, yes Fugu and Ackee are quite dangerous but when it comes to the MOST dangerous food in the world, I have come to the conclusion that it really is…drumroll please……..avocado!

Now, why is a simple little green guy, served in every California restaurant, without spines or spikes, or poison, be so dangerous?! Because, in my entire life, I’ve never found a single food that more of my friends, family, and casual acquaintances have hurt themselves preparing! I’m convinced the avocado pit is more dangerous than the demon core. It’s so slippery, it’s so hard, it’s so seemingly benign! But whenever I pit an avocado with a knife (way more often than I should) I know I’m on the verge of turning my hand into human steak tartar.

I know several people who have been sent to the hospital due to avocado-induced injuries and I’ve NEVER met someone with Jamaican vomiting sickness!

The next time you want to prepare yourself a delicious piece of avocado toast, just remember you’re dealing with the great white shark of foods.

What’s your most dangerous food? Why is it avocado?